The Definitive AFL Team Nicknames List

Cartoon originally published in The Argus on 23/4/1938

Essentially everything in life needs a ranking, and AFL nicknames aren’t any different. After undeniably being inspired by Zach Lowe’s NBA team name list, it was clear the AFL was missing a list. While our game doesn’t have such a collection of random anomaly names as you will find in the American system, there is still a collection of interesting nicknames on our shores.
This ranking – which I can tell you already disagree with – takes into account history, mascots, alternatives, team song, logo involvement and even guernseys. Of course there will be reasoning provided, but it is a 3500 word exercise about nicknames. It’s incredibly silly.

 

18. Greater Western Sydney Giants

Look, history does matter. Particularly on this one. The Giants is a nice, safe option and without any history it suits reasonably enough. The idea of the AFL Giants towering their way into Sydney to crush Rugby is a nice image, but without GWS actually being good it doesn’t stick that well. The Giants is nice sneaky alliteration with GWS and if they had picked a name with an extra syllable it could have got nasty. Imagine fitting the Greater Western Sydney Conquerors or Enforcers or Money-Grabbers in a small space. Actually, Money-Grabbers might have been the best option.
At the time, potential fans were given a chance to vote on a nickname  – Giants (spoiler: winner), Rangers, Warriors or Wolves (also, check out the options provided by The Age in the link above. Pride? Stallions? Rams?!?!). All three other options would have been far superior for fun. The Greater Western Sydney Warriors getting mixed up with the Golden State Warriors – GWS Warriors vs GSW – would have been fun enough. The Rangers is so ridiculous is would have worked and the Wolves makes almost as much sense. May as well have been Foxes.
The Giants is safe, it allows for a big G on the front of the jumper and it’s not horrible. That’s all a bonus for a start-up team in an area that is devoid of football history.

17. Western Bulldogs

The Scraggers, Tricolours, The Imperials, The Scray. These alternates are interesting. Particularly Tricolours as an off-beat classical nickname would have been a fancy name that doesn’t fit the area at all. The Scray is pretty hip and makes for the perfect pub name. These next three alternates may be the best of this list. Saltwater Lads just makes so little sense it is so fun and The Bone Mill Fellows carries both an air of intimidation and a collection of park footballers. Men From The Land Of Boulders is beyond a nickname, or a pretentious film title, or a strange super-hero team up. Imagine preparing during the week to play the Footscray Men From The Land Of Boulders. They wouldn’t even be human, they would just be a collection of Yeti and Bigfoot and Abominable Snowmen dressed in Tricolour. If only. Popular history has it that a bulldog literally led the team out one day and the nickname stuck. An unlikely story and not that exciting. There are better places to demand a return to the Footscray Football Club, but the Western Bulldogs just doesn’t work. At least the Dog is off the jumper now.

16. Hawthorn Hawks

Luckily Hawthorn have been reasonably successful over the bast few decades, because they struggle in the stuff that really matters. Their poos/wees jumper aesthetic is just about as bad as it gets and the Hawks are a nothing nickname. Sure Hawks are predatory birds and all that, but there is little history behind it. Apparently, after being called the laughably inoffensive Mayblooms, then coach Roy Cazaly’s daughter suggested the more ferocious Hawks as a nickname. It’s a nice story but it doesn’t take away from the fact they should be the Mustard Pots. Even had they changed their name to Commandos after John Kennedy’s tough team it would have been better. The Haw-Haw sound is a bonus, but it doesn’t lift it that far on this list. Luckily, Hawthorn has enough on-field success to forget about their other issues.

15. North Melbourne Kangaroos

Truly, North Melbourne are the Shinboners. They recognize as much, but Shinboners is hardly going to attract young families to a historically struggling club. Kangaroos is a simple and safe nickname, there is nothing awful about it but it is so generic it can’t go any higher on this list. In the 1950s president Phonse Tobin was inspired by a large kangaroo he saw in a shop front, a kangaroo is the most universally Australian animal and is a perfectly adequate way to appeal to Australians who aren’t natural footy supporters.
Things were worse when North were known simply as the Kangroos, but this nickname doesn’t seem to have any local anecdotal roots. It’s been around for a long time but it’s always easier to just go with Roos.

14. Port Adelaide Power

This is a tough one. Port Adelaide was formed at a football club in 1870 and as far as everybody was concerned they were Magpies for another 127 years. Upon winning a license to enter an AFL team Port had to come up with a different nickname and they went with the Power. It’s not totally clear why, and through about 15 minutes of hard research it was difficult to find a reason. The best I found was in the famous creed, where Fos Williams implores the players and administrators to “strive with all our power to further this club’s unexcelled achievements”. If this is the reason, Power is actually a pretty savvy and wonderful nickname. It is an unexpected blend of history and try-hard coolness.
Before stumbling on this nice – and possibly irrelevant – fact, Power was looming as an awful nickname choice. It just screams lame mid-1990s desperation to be cool with the new millennium ahead. And those lightning bolt jumpers weren’t helping, but this isn’t as low on the list as it could have been.

13. Gold Coast Suns

The longer the Suns are around the more it grows on me. A perfect encapsulation of the atypical Gold Coast picture, Suns are a perfect choice. While an inanimate object, Suns works in that it can be devised to be anything. Also, given that you aren’t supposed to look directly at the sun, it was a great representation of the team in their first couple of years. Again also, it provides just enough of a tongue twister to work well alongside Karmichael Hunt.
The nickname didn’t help avoid a typically lame mascot, but it certainly is better than the alternatives. The only other real alternative thrown up before the 2011 season was the Lifesavers (I’m not sure which one) and that would have been the best way to create a joke of a team. Perhaps the Gold Coast Schoolies would have been better, but we can’t have everything. Suns is a simple, smart nickname. No glaring faults here.

12. Essendon Bombers

After shaking off the Same Olds nickname, Essendon were simply the Dons and in truth they probably really are still the Dons. Following their close proximity to the airport during World War II they became the Bombers and it has stuck. There have been multiple calls for Essendon to remove the nickname in light of its war resonance and frankly it might only still be in place because it is the team song. It isn’t truly offensive but there is some sour taste in there, however it is intrinsically linked with the club.
The plane motif has led to a couple of solid logos, the paper plane logo from the 80s is always enjoyable. But there aren’t many from that time that aren’t winners.
The almost unrelated mascot is one of the few good ones around, based from the famous “Mosquito Fleet” team of the 1920s, Skeeta has endured to remain a winner. Skeeta wears bomber goggles and his wings give him enough flying to be bomber enough. Long live Skeeta.

11. West Coast Eagles

This is one of those random insignificant nicknames that just works. West Coast are the Eagles and it fits nicely. It allows for easy mascotting and can result in some simple, eagle-themed jumpers. It has also resulted in a shocker or two. I’m not sure whether there were many considerations for other nicknames when the WEagles came to be in 1986. The Western Australia State of Origin team were the Sandgropers and it would have been unfair and poor to take that name. Black swans are an emblem of the state but with the other swans hanging around it would have been too confusing. The Eagles are a good fit for a team with no history, but the rock song taken from it needs serious work.

10. Melbourne Demons

The popular alternate name – Redlegs – was preceded by the Fuchsias, which is just awfully appropriate for the modern Demons. According to legend, Frank ‘Checker’ Hughes introduced the Demons as a nastier nickname. One day Melbourne was struggling and Hughes told his players “You are playing like a lot of flowers! Lift up your heads an play like Demons!”, and they probably did. Redlegs is a great secondary nickname and Demons is threatening enough to be feared, but the lack of intimidatory play from Melbourne helps it avoid being cocky. Demons lacks good reason, much like Roy Cazaly’s daughter picking Hawks out of the blue, Demons being chosen virtually at random by a coach downgrades the value. In general though it is a solid nickname and results in nice “Go Dees“.
In other areas, Melbourne have really struggled to make use of the name. Their away jumpers in the 2000s that featured demon faces were ridiculous and they somehow pulled off the rare failed logo from the 1980s. Even their current logo tries too hard. The southern cross? The trident? The flame above the letter M? Even the football in the centre and the writing behind just seem completely unnecessary. Oh well, one day Melbourne will get something right, they have to.

9. Brisbane Lions

Let’s get rid of the Bears business quickly. They were named the Bears and fronted a koala emblem, because maybe Christopher Skase thought koalas were bears? I don’t know. Their outfits were gross and they were no good. Enough.
After passing between the Maroons and Gorillas (how un-Australian is the Fitzroy Gorillas? Obviously they took that name because of the popularity of King Kong), club officials went with the Lions in 1957. It is a great nickname, regal, powerful, threatening. The Lion on the ball is a wonderful logo. The strange new lion they have on the front these days is far too paddle-poppy, but there is little wrong with a strong nickname like the Lions.

8. Fremantle Dockers

To my horror, preparing to write this piece I learnt for the first time that Fremantle were not officially the Dockers between 1997 and 2010. I’m almost too flustered to keep doing their section. Anyway, the story goes that Fremantle were stricken of their nickname because Levi Strauss & Co. manufacture their own clothing line called “Dockers” and weren’t willing to give away their brand to some lousy football team (they really were lousy at the time). Until 2010 Fremantle were just Fremantle, which I struggle to believe, until they struck a deal with Levi Strauss to pay them a measly $1,000 a year for use of Dockers. I am incredulous at my lack of knowledge here.
On to the actual nickname, it is terrific. A bonding appliance between Fremantle supporters, their blue collar history on the water and their modern white collar supporters whose father or uncle or aunt worked on the docks, so they try to cling to that workman history. Unfortunately it resulted in anchor obsessed jumpers, until they moved to the excellent purple number they currently sport. Nothing can be done about the surfer mascot though, I’m not sure which version of Johnny ‘The Doc’ Docker is worse; the bizarrely emo version or the Lisa Simpson haired mess.

7. Geelong Cats

Ten years ago this was the perfect nickname. A playful, yet nonthreatening team, the Cats were fun to watch every now and again, but they always ended up napping at some point. Then Geelong became good. Cats suddenly seem to weak for such a dominant team, but there is no changing it now. It fits in with the town, just like the team, and there is no Geelong without the Cats.
History wise, the origin of the nickname is a semi-interesting story. After struggling through the 1923 season Herald cartoonist Sam Wells suggested the Pivotonians ( a nickname based on Geeelong’s strange early town nickname of The Pivot) needed the presence of a black cat to turn around the fortunes of the team. Not long after a black cat entered the field of play during a game, a game that would break the losing streak for the team.
The team mascot; Half-Cat has defied the modernisation of mascots and remains a strange-looking fan favourite, which adds to the charm. The modern logo does a surprisingly good job of involving the blue and white stripes whilst not involving a horrible cat face.
The Cats fits well with Geelong. Alongside many of the names in the lower half of this list, the Cats has become a definite part of history of the team and competition.

6. Sydney Swans

The famous Bloods nickname actually comes from Blood Stained Angels.
Tell me this wasn’t a 1993 Steven Seagal action movie set in Los Angeles where Hank Steel (Seagal), a retired secret service agent, returns home to find his wife (Alicia Silverstone) has been murdered by the local mafia as revenge for a hit he made while he was in the business. Steel returns to action to take out the mob because sometimes, in the City of Angels, the angels are stained with blood.
Anyway, much like the Shinboners, the Bloods needed a more savoury nickname and via a combination of a number of Western Australian players in the team and their proximity to Lake Oval (which is the home to an obvious bird), South Melbourne became the Swans. It’s a great nickname. A Swan is regal enough to instill pride, yet ferocious enough to not be a joke, and it has local history, plus the double ‘s’ is always important. This marks a great match between the Swans positive culture that ties in with their lovely theme song, as well as the deep seeded aggression of the Bloods and the sudden antagonism Lance Franklin has brought to the team. Importantly the Swans sits perfectly with the Sydney Opera House theme on jumpers and logos, which has successfully combined the Swans and Sydney in recent times.

5. St Kilda Saints

For some reason, St Kilda tried to fight their natural nickname in the past. For a period of time there was an association with Seagulls, and there was also a bizarre push to go with the Panthers. Seagulls kind of makes sense due to the location near the sea, but these flirtations with nicknames when there was a perfectly good one in there anyway doesn’t stand to reason. Why anybody watching a St Kilda game would ever cheer for Panthers or Seagulls doesn’t make any sense. Plus the Saints is alliteration, and that gets serious points in this list.
The Saints, a good-natured, runners-up team that never really wins, is great for St Kilda. They are a nice, inoffensive team that you wouldn’t necessarily like to get stuck with for three hours. Their The Saint style logo was spectacular, and their new training guernsey is a very welcome look. The Saints have actually had a pretty good history with their jumpers. After abandoning the yellow in their club following German association in the early 20th century, the three pannelled guernsey is a good mainstay. Even the red soaked late 90s look wasn’t the worst of the era, but it is hard to forget the eternal Pura Milk jumper. Even the incorporation of the cross on the current away jumper is a success. Keep it up Saints, you lovable losers.

4. Carlton Blues

Carlton has the final nothing nickname. Aside from sporting nicknames has anything ever been called a blue (aside from this guy)? It makes little sense and leaves no room for a good mascot – but the athletic Captain Carlton isn’t bad. It is probably just the weight of history, but the Blues just fits. The heritage value of the Blues running out in their classical guernsey works beautifully for football.
Generally Carlton have been the Blues since the 1870s when they added a blue cap to their attire. Their plain outfitting drew a nickname of Butchers for some time before that. There was some media talk about the Carlton Brewers before World War I, which is a fantastic reference to the Carlton and United Brewery. Cockatoos was brought up after the Second World War, probably as a result of the terrific story of Cocky Marr. Cocky was a cockatoo who watched Carlton games from the outer at the time and was renowned for being a loud supporter.
M&M jumpers aside, the Blues are the Blues and there is nothing wrong with that.

3. Adelaide Crows

This one sits perfectly. The South Australian football team was known as the Croweaters, as to where this term came from, it’s not entirely clear. One theory is that as a bunch of South Austalians made their way across the desert to the Victorian goldfields in the 19th century, they began to run out of food. As a result the travelers were forced to shoot and eat crows, a misfortune that the ever-accomadating Victorians didn’t let them forget.
South Australia ended up embracing their name and it applied to their football team, so when they formed their own team in the AFL the Crows was a natural nickname. It works, nobody likes crows except Crows supporters (something you may see later in the list) and it is perfect for their stance as undeniably anti-Victorian.
Adelaide have had some interesting off-field marketing grabs; the Camry Crows, the inexplicably lame ’19th man’ campaign and now the media’s own Adelaide Crow-val, but their nickname and jumpers have remained really solid. Their regulation jumper; which makes use of traditional South Australian colours is terrific, and their logos (before the painfully plain modern one) using those colours were amongst the best in the league. For a while even their away jumpers worked well with the Crow and the colours, this is a nickname done right.

2. Richmond Tigers

Falling just short, but not ninth, is Richmond. Tiger fans can consolidate themselves by singing along to the best theme song in the league, but they shouldn’t be too upset at having such a quality name. The Tigers are ferocious, and relentless on their attack on the ball and the man. Nobody wants to be stuck with a tiger for opposition, at least they didn’t in the glory days. The incorporation of ‘Tiger Time!!!’ carries its own special weight and there is nothing quite like the feeling inside the MCG when the Tigers are in top form, they carry their own special type of rumble.
Origin wise, the Tigers were once referred to as the Black and White Angels. Why, I don’t know, but Steven Segal would have had a say. There was a small push to have them as Wasps for a period of time, likely based on their colour scheme. The story behind the Tigers is loosely attributed to a mysterious ‘Mr. Miles’. Miles, a big supporter of Richmond, often couldn’t afford to get into Punt Road so he would sit himself in a tree to watch the game. Miles would roar from the tree, “Eat ’em alive Tigers”. He took tigers from the colours of the jumper and his cry stuck with supporters.
Richmond’s logo work hasn’t worked out as well as their name. Their two logos (here and here) from the 80s failed to impress like others have, mostly because they didn’t know what to do with the tiger. The MGM-inspired 90s logo certainly wasn’t the worst though. The Tigers is as close to perfect as a nickname can be, it’s glorious and smart.

1. Collingwood Magpies

Magpies are as Collingwood as anything can be. An absolute nusciance that will come and swoop you, magpies are hated by everyone, which makes them perfect for Collingwood. The club has long embraced their antagonistic role in the league, much like the Crows, their aggressive nickname has propelled that somewhat.
Despite brief flirtations with being an accommodating member of the league regarding alternate jumpers, Collingwood are Collingwood and they don’t wear clash jumpers. Their logos have been near perfect, with a simple, classical design followed up by a flawless current logo. You can say bad things about the Magpies, but they do these things well.
Historically speaking, Collingwood have always been the Magpies. A large group of magpies had territory just outside Victoria Park many moons ago, the jumper design was a perfect fit and the club motto translates to “May the Magpie prosper”. Collingwood are the Magpies, as much as everybody else hates them they will forever be the Magpies and they hold the best nickname in the competition.

 

Further information for this that is not hyperlinked was gathered from 100 Years of Australian Football, specifically page 159; written by Col Hutchinson.
Most jumper/logo images were retrieved via footyjumpers.com.